Stayin’ Relevant: Orlando Style

May 23, 2015

Some dude is trying to stir the pot with the upcoming Quakes/Lions match, heaving salvos at the city of San Jose and our teams.  Even though they are petty words from a petty man, I’ve taken umbrage at his projecting and wish to set the record straight.

Orlando is the true L.A. lite.  Disneyland?  They follow up with Walt Disney World.  Universal Studios?  They get Universal Studios ORLANDO edition.  Other theme parks?  Meh.  That’s all that Orlando has to offer, which ain’t much.

But then let’s compare San Jose and Orlando respectively.  Bashing the city that allows him to use the computer (Apple, Intel, AMD, NVidia, HP, Cisco, Adobe, etc are all located in San Jose or the ‘burbs of San Jose) on which he types is a feat of irony, especially since Orlando is responsible for. . . what exactly?  Oh that’s right, they can’t really do anything innovative since it rains 117 days a year.  I guess you gotta do something when you’re a hack journalist cooped up in your house all day and writing incendiary articles is your only alternative.

In terms of demographics, San Jose is the 10th largest city in America.  Orlando is a minuscule 73rd.  I’m surprised they even got an MLS team, but when your best sports franchise is the Magic, it’s probably easy to drop one team for another.  The Sharks continue to sellout every game, along with the Quakes.  I noticed attendance was sparse at the Orlando Magic games, despite their whole 25 wins last season.  Is this what we can expect from Orlando fans in the future?

And speaking of sports, noticeably missing in his article are the 49ers, based on the border between Santa Clara and San Jose, who have their five Super Bowls.  Orlando doesn’t boast a team, but I guess they can root for Jacksonville or Miami or the Bucs with their (chuckle) three combined Super Bowls.  We got two MLS Cups and two Supporters’ Shields with our Quakes, who began in in 1974.  Orlando’s soccer team?  Zero championships and just three years of history.  That’s downright laughable.

The best part?  He thinks OCSC is a well-oiled machine.  Newsflash: L.A. was playing without two key defenders, including Omar Gonzalez!  One game does not make your team a well oiled machine, especially when considering OCSC averaged less than a goal per game in their first 10 games and had a -5 goal differential to boot.  Let’s see how your team fares against a line that has allowed just two goals in our last four games with your over-the-hill Ricardo Kaka and USMNT/Stoke City washout Brek Shea.

Not knowing when to shut up, the man then talks smack about Dustin Diamond being from San Jose as if it’s a knock on my home town.  I had no idea this was true since Screech is one of many celebs to call San Jose their home town.  World Champion athletes like Kerri Walsh (with whom I went to high school in San Jose), Brandi Chastain, Cain Velasquez, Frank Shamrock, Jim Plunkett, and many more grew up in or now call San Jose their home.  One need only compare people from San Jose to people from Orlando to understand that Orlando is insignificant in its population exports.

So please allow me to thank you, Mr. Wade.  If it were not for your petty jealousy (of which I’m sure roots in your envy of our fair city), I probably would have never noticed you, your city, and its lack of global value when compared to San Jose.  It helps me appreciate San Jose even more, champions and citizens alike.  It also reminds me that we continue to innovate and move the world forward by creating state-of-the-art venues like Avaya and Levi’s, which are world-class.  Until your stadium gets built, keep it classy with Amway Arena while trying to sell tickets for your fifth-place-in-the-East MLS team.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to head downtown to enjoy some of the best beer and/or wine in the world while watching the Dubs take care of business in Houston.  Enjoy your orange juice, or whatever it is Orlando is known for, aside from Casey Anthony.



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